great day

so, this morning, i got to church and a very good friend of mine tells me that he's been asked to play in praise band at church, and i was happy for him, but also a little sad.
i've been trying for a year to play on the praise band, and well, i was full of contempt all through worship, and i could barely talk to Katie.
so, i felt bad, and i wen to sit down in sunday school class.
meghan taylor asks me "what's wrong?"
i tell her that i'm just frustrated over pointless stuff, and she says "if it's pointless, why are you frustrated?, just ask Mal if you can join"
so, i go, and ask, and well, first practice is next sunday at 2!!!!
Thank you Katie, and meghan.

oh my goodness gracious charlie brown

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


oh my goodness gracious chrlie brown

So, yesterday, i went to sty at Ryan Cheek's house, and when i told Robin(the woman i live with) she got like, super pissed, she doesn't understand that i want to spend as little time as possible here, at this house.
I have grown weary of her self-righteousness, her arrogance is so infuriating that it is all i can do to keep from screaming and throwing myself at a wall over and over again (the definition of insanity...). I want so badly to leave, but where would i go?
Mon and Dad's?-no, i'm too stressful for them, and living with them means that i would get to see Katie and everyone else even less than i already do.
The street-i'd be the worse homeless person, ever. I like staying inside when it's raining, sometimes(lol).

This has gone on too far. I want to just tell them what i've been feeling, but we think on such different levels that if i did, they(Robin and Sarah) would come back with some crack-pot excuse like "that's how i was raised" or "that's how i've always done that" I've used those lines on them before, just to see how they liked it, and you know what they said to me? "well, change" I've changed too much for them, back in the day (which was a wednesday in fact) if i changed something about my personality, i did it for myself. The things that they want me to change are ridiculous, i gave my Zune to my Dear Katie Beth, because they don't like the music i listen to. I stopped watching all the movies(not teh prons) they don't like because they didn't like them. I even stopped talking to all my friends that they do not approve of, because the didn't like them.
Ive lived with them for a year, and you know what they've changed????
Me neither.
I guess i'm just complaining, but it's due time that i complain, because keeping it to myself has probably been causing a tumor that sings "i'm a tumor, i'm a tumor i'm a tumor" to the tune of "Rock me Amadeus".

so, i slept, and with the encouragement of my sweet katie, i seem to be doing a lot better i got into the word today!!!!
and i just feel good, not physically, but you know, emotionally

lately

i've been finding myself angrier and angrier.
the people i live with are driving me insane.
i'm not sure if they do it on purpose, but they're doing it.
i've also had to come to terms with my intelligence, i'm not one to brag, but i'm a smart guy, about some things, but others, i'm wasted on.
like, with Katie, i want to be so much stronger for her, i want to be ab;e to stand in front of her and protect her, but right now, i'm having all the strength of a broomstick against the gate of a fortress, so, not very much.
i'm not getting into the word as often, if at all. that's got to be the reason why.
i want to be stronger, not just for Katie, but for myself as well. i need to get over my anger and let it go.

on the other hand, my heart issues are, well, they're back